this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
