kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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