I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
