I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
