He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
