none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
