So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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