dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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