Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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