the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He called his prostate his "boner button".
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
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