After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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