this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
