well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
