We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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