i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
