hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
