I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
