she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
