I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
