I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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