I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Of course I have a pirate flag
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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