His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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