so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
