Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I have already put on my inside pants.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
