ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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