If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
