just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
