i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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