i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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