im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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