That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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