It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
