roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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