guys are not supposed to queef...right?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
