I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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