My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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