and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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