ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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