Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
