is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i love accidental penises.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
