wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
