How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
