i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
