Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
