I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
