these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
