You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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