his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
