Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
The Olympian is in my bed
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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