I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
