THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
